And my answer to that of course is no.....

Life is like a box of chocolates... if God was holding the box saying "Take any one you want!" and every time you reached in to pick one he snapped it closed saying "NO, NOOO that is the coconut one, I'm saving that for Billy!"

Joseph didn't get his "dream job." And it is ok. He told me last night, that moving to phoenix is still on the table... well, I think a more accurate description was him cursing Tucson... but still! I WANT TO MOVE. I think. I don't know. I KNOW. No I don't...

Anyways, so back to the grind of job hunting. It is nice to have the luxury of job hunting when God is providing all our needs with the many jobs he's given us.....

Here is hte email I sent to the fam.....

"Appreciate your prayers for Joseph throughout this interesting time of interviews and tests galore. It is finished. God's answer was a no and Joseph has since clearly moved on.

He took this one like a champ... grateful for the opporunity an confident that there were many qualified guys who tested with him. Yesterday, a day he had taken off for interviews... he did laundry, cleaned the house, vacuumed and made a pork roast. I cried for an hour, threw a fit, and colored my hair.

Bible study was last night at UofA, the topic was Providence. Joseph had much to say on the subject and was such a blessing with his lightheartedness and humor, as well as biblical insight. What a guy!

Lots of jobs in the works for him to apply to in the finance realm. Here's to dusting off his resume, calling in some favors, and learning how to better number crunch for a living!"

So now we move on....whatever that looks like.

Equal Opportunities

One of the most challenging struggles I have faced in marriage is just how selfish I am. How some days, when I feel my whole life revolves around Joseph's life, what he needs what he desires etc, i just want to go do my own thing! (like my ways are wiser *eye roll*) I, without cause mind you, feel like my life is to be shelved forever. This is the furthest thing from the truth mind you. And it ANGERS me, that these thoughts even enter my mind. HOW DARE I?!?!

I was reminded of Genesis 3:16

To the woman he said,

“I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing;

iin pain you shall bring forth children.

jYour desire shall be for6 your husband,

and he shall krule over you.” ~Genesis 3:16

My desire is to be a leader, but place is to be a help meet, my proper place is to have my husband rule over me, but my sinful nature keeps it from always being a willing act.

I never considered myself to be selfish, I always thought I desired to be a side kick... and I do cherish my unique place next to my husband! I just didn't think I would struggle so much holding off plans and decisions to see what would happen with "someone else." I always thought I was prepared for Proverbs 31 "wife-ing." How sin loves to deceive me... Being faced with a mirror of your own self-serving desires can be frightening. How can I truly be a 'good wife' when my innermost heart has such selfish motives at times?

I have so many goals and ambitions, and I am fine with plan B's and contingencies; God's plans are always more perfect than a planner/dreamer like me can ever imagine. But letting go and letting God,can be such a struggle. Why can't I just trust that God's plans are perfect? And with a godly leader in my house, why do I not trust God working in his decisions for what is best for our family? Where did my 'feminist' tenancies come from? I have never felt the desire to 'do my own thing' more than I have in the past few months. I have wanted to run away with my own selfish goals...I feel pent up and ready to ...to.... I don't even know how to complete that sentence. Because, let's be honest....does it really matter? I am so blessed, so loved, and respected. I want for nothing. Besides, I don't even know what I truly want.... all I know is that the only calm I find is in Christ; when He shows me my clear path. I just feel my path is a little murky... I am sure some light will be shed soon.

So, I have my plans. I have my prayers for Joseph. Valley of Vision by the bed...

My ramblings end now.

~Semper Reformanda