And my answer to that of course is no.....

Life is like a box of chocolates... if God was holding the box saying "Take any one you want!" and every time you reached in to pick one he snapped it closed saying "NO, NOOO that is the coconut one, I'm saving that for Billy!"

Joseph didn't get his "dream job." And it is ok. He told me last night, that moving to phoenix is still on the table... well, I think a more accurate description was him cursing Tucson... but still! I WANT TO MOVE. I think. I don't know. I KNOW. No I don't...

Anyways, so back to the grind of job hunting. It is nice to have the luxury of job hunting when God is providing all our needs with the many jobs he's given us.....

Here is hte email I sent to the fam.....

"Appreciate your prayers for Joseph throughout this interesting time of interviews and tests galore. It is finished. God's answer was a no and Joseph has since clearly moved on.

He took this one like a champ... grateful for the opporunity an confident that there were many qualified guys who tested with him. Yesterday, a day he had taken off for interviews... he did laundry, cleaned the house, vacuumed and made a pork roast. I cried for an hour, threw a fit, and colored my hair.

Bible study was last night at UofA, the topic was Providence. Joseph had much to say on the subject and was such a blessing with his lightheartedness and humor, as well as biblical insight. What a guy!

Lots of jobs in the works for him to apply to in the finance realm. Here's to dusting off his resume, calling in some favors, and learning how to better number crunch for a living!"

So now we move on....whatever that looks like.

Equal Opportunities

One of the most challenging struggles I have faced in marriage is just how selfish I am. How some days, when I feel my whole life revolves around Joseph's life, what he needs what he desires etc, i just want to go do my own thing! (like my ways are wiser *eye roll*) I, without cause mind you, feel like my life is to be shelved forever. This is the furthest thing from the truth mind you. And it ANGERS me, that these thoughts even enter my mind. HOW DARE I?!?!

I was reminded of Genesis 3:16

To the woman he said,

“I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing;

iin pain you shall bring forth children.

jYour desire shall be for6 your husband,

and he shall krule over you.” ~Genesis 3:16

My desire is to be a leader, but place is to be a help meet, my proper place is to have my husband rule over me, but my sinful nature keeps it from always being a willing act.

I never considered myself to be selfish, I always thought I desired to be a side kick... and I do cherish my unique place next to my husband! I just didn't think I would struggle so much holding off plans and decisions to see what would happen with "someone else." I always thought I was prepared for Proverbs 31 "wife-ing." How sin loves to deceive me... Being faced with a mirror of your own self-serving desires can be frightening. How can I truly be a 'good wife' when my innermost heart has such selfish motives at times?

I have so many goals and ambitions, and I am fine with plan B's and contingencies; God's plans are always more perfect than a planner/dreamer like me can ever imagine. But letting go and letting God,can be such a struggle. Why can't I just trust that God's plans are perfect? And with a godly leader in my house, why do I not trust God working in his decisions for what is best for our family? Where did my 'feminist' tenancies come from? I have never felt the desire to 'do my own thing' more than I have in the past few months. I have wanted to run away with my own selfish goals...I feel pent up and ready to ...to.... I don't even know how to complete that sentence. Because, let's be honest....does it really matter? I am so blessed, so loved, and respected. I want for nothing. Besides, I don't even know what I truly want.... all I know is that the only calm I find is in Christ; when He shows me my clear path. I just feel my path is a little murky... I am sure some light will be shed soon.

So, I have my plans. I have my prayers for Joseph. Valley of Vision by the bed...

My ramblings end now.

~Semper Reformanda

Old hat

Life revisited: painful but fun. I used to have a blog. And before that I had a good old fashioned journal. As you can see below, I like to quote myself from previous journals, in whatever journal method is current. To, as I say below, "realize that you may HAVE grown in the past 3 years! Thank God." Ha ha, try over 5 years little K8.
This is a Xanga entry from August 2006. ...

Answered Prayer

"Well it is pretty much official; I am an only child. Zack moved to Tucson this morning and left me behind forever." - The Diary of Kate Fink 10:00 p.m. 08-22-03 (This is me, in my xanga, quoting a journal from 3 years previous haha)

Almost three years ago I sat in the back seat of the truck, turned up Avril Lavign as loud as I could, and cried. The 3 years that stretched before me seemed an eternity...long hours and days, with my parents...I was a tragic case of lonely for almost a full year. I know this from re-reading my journal from this time. There is nothing like an old journal to make you realize that you may HAVE grown in the past 3 years! Thank God.

So, this is the-Week, the week I have been praying for, for SO long. The week I just assumed would NEVER come because I wanted it so much. Well, I survived high school. I am now motivated, dedicated and ecstaticly awaiting my start at the University of Arizona!

Just to give all my dear friends an idea of how I am preparing myself, here is few of my MISSION STATEMENTS to keep my focused on aspects of my life such as my spiriutal, academic and relationship lives. Please don't condemn these kate-originals...I tried.

Spiritual: I ultimately desire to serve God to the best of my fallible ability; striving to put my personal relationship with Christ as well as my spiritual, theological, and doctrinal development first in every aspect of my life. SEMPER REFORMANDA!

Academic: Academic priorities must remain at a heightened level of sensitivity at all times. Habitually and enthusiastically perfecting grades, study habits, and overall academic knowledge; never forgoing the common sense approach of critical thinking and wisdom found beyond secular teachings and textbooks. Spiritually analyzing and applying learned academia to outside research, conversations, and life.

Relationships: Any and all feelings and actions towards members of the opposite sex must be a non-existing entity, in as much avoiding any and all emotional drama; unless otherwise specified by parental units. If any type of group maintained friendship ensues, it must remain indifferently platonic; all flirting and eye contact is prohibited save in any preconceived decision, and/or any extremely caffeinated situation.

Ok, so we all know the last one is a little jaded, I still like J as most of you know, but the whole 'remain indifferently platonic' still holds true in that situation.

So, to my high school years which I thought would never pass, you will not be missed. Hello, new phase of life...God DOES answer prayers, in His Time, His Will etc.

Luvsyas

k8

So as you can see..... My biggest goal in life was getting out of high school (as a homeschooled person this is hilarious) and go to college. I also loved my brother very much, desired to serve God, kick butt in school, and liked a guy named J.

I love those little Mission Statements. My spiritual goals wouldn't change much at present; my doctrinal development still has much to be desired!

My academic ones are laughable as I turned out to be a U Of A drop out... funny as you can see above it is what I had longed for SO long! And God had other plans, and thought for K8, learning the hard way was the most effective method... ugh I hate Latin. And I only like reading mythology for fun.

ahhh relationships. The guy referred to as J (NOT MY HUSBAND JOSEPH) was not an "indifferently platonic" relationship, but ended as only high-school relationships can end: Dramatically, tragically and with broken hearts. Flirt, I did for a few months in college, caffeinated it's true, because I didn't drink with the rest of them. But God kept a pretty tight reign on me, 12 months after this post was published, I was in pursuit of my current career as an LMT, I had just met my husband, and would be engaged a few months later to a godly man who seemed to reign in my 'wild' side. Joseph brings out the realistic, capable, and confident side of me.

So, wonder where 5 years from now I'll be?

A new year always makes me contemplative about the future and the past. Thankfully, I never mourn about the way things used to be, the present state of life God has me in always far superior to where I thought I was going. Go figure.

"For xgodly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas yworldly grief produces death" ~ 2 Corinthians 7:10

randomonium

After Christmas with the Fink's on the 23rd, the Faiths on hte 24/25...we had our own Faith Christmas celebration complete with leftover wine (from Thanksgiving) Dark Chocolate, my new Snuggie and the Final Harry Potter movie. Oh and Sniper joined in the fun of course.

What a handsome kitty he is... minus these cuts on his chin he keeps getting, once this antibitoic runs out he had better stop getting them! I don't know what he is playing with that's so sharp!
The best thing about the Holidays is time spent with my family. I am happy for every moment snuggled on the coach with my hubby...then tucked into mom and dad's spare room and waking up to the noisy laughter and cut ups of my brother next door. I love the creative gift ideas, (including my Newsies sheet music!) and the theology books exchanged every year. I love the cookies and the fellowship. Christmas parties with the church that include a cranberry martini, might be an added tradition in the years to come! And the Faith family get together's become more and more enjoyable as I integrate into their traditions.

Although, nothing beats my old school schedule and multiple weeks off for watching Christmas movies and baking, but I am sure not all my years to come will be as hectic as this year was. However, clients and continuous work are on my Thanksgiving list of course so no complaints here!

Getting excited about bringing in the new year....

I tried....

I meant to post this a while ago. Oh, well.

I LOVE to read blogs....sometimes they inspire emotionally, spiritually or palate-ally?? is that a word ?? anyways I love http://nodesperatehausfrau.blogspot.com/ she is inspiring in her commitment to her walk with the Lord, her husband, and being a great homemaker. And I feel as if I KNOW her thanks to Sierra Vista's 4 degrees of separation...haha

She posted a delcious looking recipe a while back, perfect for hard-working, busy husbands. http://nodesperatehausfrau.blogspot.com/2011/11/supply-and-demand.html. She whipped it together to freeze for her hubby during the week. So effortless and they looked delicious!

I wanted to do the same.....

I NEVER make cooking look easy...

They were tiny...mis-shappen.... and they took me over 3 hours. Yes.....3 ... hours. Cara I may not be, but my hubby did think they were delicious! Just not an entire afternoon delicious.....

This just goes to show me, that I need to practice...cooking should be like learning piano right? 12 years of classical training and I still can't sit down and play "Happy Birthday" ..... yikes.

:-)

ouch

"Prayer is not simply getting things from God, that is a most initial form of prayer; prayer is getting into perfect communion with God. If the Son of God is formed in us by regeneration, He will press forward in front of our common sense and change our attitude to the things about which we pray." --Oswald Chambers

Teaching me still.... and oh how my prayers have changed in the past year. Although I am still utterly amazed with how I seem to beg God for answers, when prayer isn't about the results. It's about the time spent with the Lord, and enjoying all that brings! Why does that get so shelved in my life? An odd sinner this girl is...

"We lean to our own understanding, or we bank on service and do away with prayer, and consequently by succeeding in the external we fail in the eternal, because in the eternal we succeed only by prevailing prayer. "--Oswald Chambers

Thank you Oswald Chambers for the nice wake up call.

Prayer and Petition

"I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears." ~Psalm 34:4

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe you have received it, and it will be yours. ~Mark 11:24

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desired of your heart." ~Psalm 37:4