Yesterday was wonderful. After one of my half day at one location, half day at another, it was only 3:00 pm and I had felt like I had made good use of my work day at both locations. I completed an hour at the gym, then wandered to the library where I caught up on the latest in Marie Claire and Vogue, then chose a few novels I thought I could knock off quickly in between clients in these slow summer weeks. My husband met me at the library, and we both solemnly killed time in the quiet, cool sanctuary of literature. (the sanctuary seemed less disturbed by bums and cell phones than usual) When it was time we drove to the Udall swimming pool for some lap swimming. The cool water melting off the boiled sweat of the Tucson day. We always gasp our way about how out of shape we are but keep going nonetheless; chatting in between lengths about what’s for dinner, random news of the day, and the mountain of laundry accumulating at home. My laps always become steadier, and my breathing more even as I remember my swim lessons of old; I envision my tan darkening, and I only get kicked once by Joseph in our shared lane...impressively.
And on the drive home I can’t help but think I would be so wonderfully happy and content if life went on like this forever. Just the two of us intertwining our schedules, planning swim dates, wine and a redbox on any given night we choose; sleepovers in the living room, arguing over paint and the proper way to load a dishwasher...perfection. I wonder if children would ruin our little world, then I mentally slap myself for such a selfish SELFISH thought, for I know so many people would look at our life with an “ohh poor things, they don’t know how awesome it is to be parents.” And we would look right back with a quiet sigh of temporary relief. That being said, in the stillness of these “perfect” days I sometimes feel a tug, a tick, a mental reminder to enjoy these moments because it will pass, and I will be just as happy and content in a different type of wonderful.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Monday, June 4, 2012
I did it.
I just hit submit to an online application that I had been avoiding filling out. Not for lack of desire, but for the fear and insecurities that have been bubbling inside me these past few weeks.
The last time I filled out a "university" college application, I was with my mother, it was a HUGE deal for me. I was on the "senior-itis high" only an 18 year old high school student would understand, on the brink of change, freedom and with the world's oyster at my fingertips.
That was over 6 years ago. Kate and the University of Arizona did not get along as well as expected.
I made some friends I didn't fail my classes, but saying God was trying to transition my life is an understatement. I was miserable. I was hanging out with sad, miserable people, and I was trying to force myself into learning and becoming proficient in subjects that I quickly learned I had no interest in. I was going through a "messy" break-up, and became miserably sick, all not half-way through my first semester. I think God was trying to get my attention.
Fast forward to 2012. I have a fulfilling job, a trade skill I enjoy and am told have talent in. I own my own business, and work for 2 others; and have been happily married for almost 3 years. But it is/was not at all where I expected to be...in so many ways I feel like a failure.
Lately, I have had to come to terms with my failure as a humbling experience God worked together for the good. And yet he provides me with the means for getting together my unfinished business.
I will not be my own academic inferior. I will achieve my goals, (unless God wants to change them again) I will do it with a good attitude, and not let the shadow of my failures darken the light of the road ahead.
I just hit submit to an online application that I had been avoiding filling out. Not for lack of desire, but for the fear and insecurities that have been bubbling inside me these past few weeks.
The last time I filled out a "university" college application, I was with my mother, it was a HUGE deal for me. I was on the "senior-itis high" only an 18 year old high school student would understand, on the brink of change, freedom and with the world's oyster at my fingertips.
That was over 6 years ago. Kate and the University of Arizona did not get along as well as expected.
I made some friends I didn't fail my classes, but saying God was trying to transition my life is an understatement. I was miserable. I was hanging out with sad, miserable people, and I was trying to force myself into learning and becoming proficient in subjects that I quickly learned I had no interest in. I was going through a "messy" break-up, and became miserably sick, all not half-way through my first semester. I think God was trying to get my attention.
Fast forward to 2012. I have a fulfilling job, a trade skill I enjoy and am told have talent in. I own my own business, and work for 2 others; and have been happily married for almost 3 years. But it is/was not at all where I expected to be...in so many ways I feel like a failure.
Lately, I have had to come to terms with my failure as a humbling experience God worked together for the good. And yet he provides me with the means for getting together my unfinished business.
I will not be my own academic inferior. I will achieve my goals, (unless God wants to change them again) I will do it with a good attitude, and not let the shadow of my failures darken the light of the road ahead.
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